I’m totally lost for words.
Which is why it has taken me 4 days to write this…
So many things have been brought to light recently that I can’t seem to fully understand what is going on.
Since my illness which resulted in my becoming a wheelchair user I have lost everyone and everything I knew. My best friends which I lived with for a year – I spent everyday with them and we had so much fun and did so much together have disappeared. Since I was able to come back to Uni for a year I have seen then a total of 4pr maybe 5 times, in a whole year. It has been such a struggle and I am finding it really hard to deal with. Considering we spent everyday together and for now I am all alone. I live on my own and they have barely any contact with me, is heartbreaking.
We have now finished for the year and I messaged them as I always do, to see if they wanted to come round or if they wanted to do something together. They replied to say that they had already moved. The moved out of the area and didn’t even say goodbye.
I am totally confused and bewildered. I just can’t comprehend that people who I was so close to have just left me because I am in a wheelchair.
The past 2 years have been so hard for me. Not being able to do all the things I used to. Then having people totally ignore me because of it, has made me on edge.
I just thought friends would be there to support me through this very challenging times but obviously not. I have always heard the saying that you will know who your true friends are when something bad happens. This is so true and I honestly thought I had friends. I understand that I didn’t. They were only there when they needed help. I feel cheated. I have always been told I am too kind and caring and that people have seriously taken me for granted.
The past week has made me feel so confused with life. I feel so isolated and have no one to turn to.
I had an appointment with a specialist who said ‘see you in 4 months’… What is that supposed to mean. They sent me to him as I needed weekly sessions to talk things through and he has left me in the dark like everyone else…
With suffering with severe depression, anxiety and PTSD I have found myself constantly alone with my thoughts. I am worthless and helpless. People just don’t care for me anymore and I am finding this too much to deal with.
If anyone is out there please talk.